Monday, December 28, 2009

Each Day

For the new year I would like to suggest this quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson.

Finish every day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities crept in -- forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it well and serenely, and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old mistakes and nonsense.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Positively Positive

This year has turned out to be a really great year. I have a soooo much to be thankful for this year. In short, I am thankful for my health, my job, my family and boyfriend. I never thought I could be this happy considering some really crappy circumstances in the past few years. I try not to dwell on the past, but I am truly shocked at how far I've come. Sometimes I amaze myself with my own strength and stamina. Those I am thankful for as well. This week I will focus on giving thanks when due and just appreciating everything nice that has come my way. I will not focus on anything negative because I do not want to negate the totally awesome things in my life.

Friday, November 20, 2009

At the Kiddie Table...

Welcome to the food exchange, where smart kids don't have to eat totally disgusting food.

When we were little, my cousins, brother, and I would swap food at the kiddie table around the holidays. Fortunately for us, we all hated different things.

It went something like this: "Sarah, if you eat my sauerkraut, I'll eat your pork." "Awesome" "Mike, I'll eat your peas if you drink my milk." "Take my icky peas!!" "Hurry up, they're coming" Then the adults would walk by and comment on how quickly we ate and how we did a good job... and we'd snicker knowing that we had cheated and this time we weren't going to be sent to our rooms without dessert.

I hope I'm not ruining this strategy for any other kids out there! You know it's not every day that the kids get to sit at the kiddie table and plan to take over the world..............mwahahahah!

Accident Prone?

I swear, I go through phases of being clumsy or accident prone for weeks or even months at a time... usually it's nothing serious, just bumps and bruises. Then all of a sudden it stops and I can go back to my normal life.

The other day I burned myself on a cookie sheet. Wasn't serious, just a small red mark on my wrist. Then today I am reaching into the bathroom for something and I grab the doorway and get a splinter in my thumb. From smooth door trim! Aaaaahhhh... Come on.... The dropping things and burning myself, that really could just be me being clumsy, but the splinter?! Something isn't right in my world. I think I'm going to wait this thing out in my room under my covers where I am nice and safe....

Monday, November 16, 2009

I Don't Got It...

I'm such a klutz! I wonder if I could get a record with Guinness for being the clumsiest person in the whole wide world??

I dropped my phone in the dog water bowl. Argh! I was cleaning something on the kitchen counter and bumped my phone which was sitting on the counter - and ever so conveniently - directly above the water dish. I knew I had to act quickly or the dye would release and void my warranty. Too late... the red dye was already released. Crap! I'm so mad at myself. I know it was a mistake, but what is it with me that I am always making them? Gah! It's not like I'm completely careless... I even had a rule for my new phone: I am not allowed to answer it while I'm in the bathtub. How can my being careful not be good enough? It's like I am destined to destroy things...

Phone drop in water #1, phone still working...

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Thank You So Much!!

I just want to say Happy Veterans Day! to all the vets out there.

I believe that we do not do enough for our vets. As people are well aware, they have risked a lot. There has to be a better way to say thank you... I'm just not sure how you thank someone for putting you before themselves. The words just seem to fall short. I buy a poppy almost every year, but a few dollars of a donation doesn't seem like enough either.

My father is a vet and this year I hope to convince him to eat at a local restaurant where vets eat free. Of course he has to go off on a tangent about how his proof of service has very personal information on it and he would prefer not to show the information, and even when they say a picture in your uniform is enough, he says that it can be photoshopped and anyone can pretend they were in the service. Even so, I still think they are trying to thank the vets as best they can without ruthless people taking advantage of a free deal. I won't even go into what I think should happen to people that would do something like that. I will say that it would probably involve little green men.

Anyways, until I think of a better way to say thanks.... Thank You!

PS... To the injured and friends & families of the fallen at Fort Hood: Please accept my condolences!!!

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

The Cos

Cos it's about time!

In case you haven't heard, Bill Cosby won the Mark Twain award for humor yesterday. I am so happy for him!! I think it is well deserved because Mr. Cosby is a very talented man, in my opinion. What is amazing to me about him is that he can just make a face and make me fall apart with laughter. Not too many people can achieve this as far as I'm concerned. I remember watching reruns of his stand-up comedy and I would start laughing before I knew what he was going to say because I knew what was coming...something really funny! Congratulations Mr. Cosby, I think this is long overdue, but probably well worth the wait.

:) <---- Imagine his smiling face... Cos it's better when he does it!

Thursday, October 22, 2009

This Little Piggy...

Came home with me!

I've always wanted a pig. I think the story Charlotte's Web helped me decide that pigs were awesome. And then I found out how incredibly smart they were and...that was it - I have a thing for really smart animals, they are so amazing and I want to own them all!! Ok, truthfully, I know my limitations and owning a bunch of animals - especially smart animals - is not a good idea for me. Heck, I have a hard time taking care of myself and the three animals I have now. I have a dog and two rabbits. Messy rabbits. So anyway, getting back to pigs... I always thought it would be so much fun to own one until I found out how large they could become and how it would not be fair to them to keep them in a small house or a small yard. But now, they have MICRO pigs... and I'm waiting!!!! They are not available in the US yet.... Not 100% that I would get one, but it's fun to dream. I would at least want to see them up close and hold one. They get to anywhere from 45lbs to 65lbs, which is pretty big and a bit heavy to carry around. I really hope people do their research and treat these new pets well. I know I'll do my research when they come to the states. I don't think I'll have the resources to own one for a while, but maybe someday...

Oh, here's the link to the Micro Pigs:

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Trick or Treat

Smell my feet!!

How about the smell of those face makeup sticks? From what I remember they had a very distinct smell. I always liked when my mom had to paint my face to go with my costume because I liked the smell of them. I know...weird... Oh well, I never claimed normalcy. Well, I haven't smelled those sticks in a very long time. This year I think I'll find a painted trick or treater and get a good whiff. Ha, that's a little creepy... Maybe I'll just stick to the faint leftover memory of the smell.

Thursday, October 15, 2009


Behold the Behold....

I have a Samsung Behold and I love it. I was trying to hold off for an iPhone but the problems with my old phone were getting rather annoying. I decided to go for a lower end smart phone, but a nice one. Low end? This is pretty neat for low end. I have a 5 mp camera, an mp3 player, and an awesome touch screen keypad that will even work with the tips of my fairly short fingernails. Now, all I need is the data plan that comes with it. I am trying my best to live within my means. It's tough, but I understand the true meaning of earning everything I have. I think it helps to appreciate those things a little more than I would if I have just been given everything. And I really appreciate my phone. It is such an upgrade from my old phone. I love that I can have my touch screen for a decent price and can move to the data plan when I am ready. This phone is a perfect fit for me. I would recommend this phone to The Pope!

Thursday, October 8, 2009

The Delorean

Here is not the best picture of me circa 2001. I am posting it because it was a nice picture of the vehicle (via my dad). I already admitted to loving the "Back to the Future" movies... but the car was sooo cool!!! I think this is another one of the things from my childhood that helped push me into the tech world.... I know... Geek...

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

'Cause I Gotta Have Faith...

If you are like me, sometimes you have to remind yourself to have a little faith.

Things will not always turn out as you expect them to, but have faith that things will be ok.

You have to first of all, trust yourself. Trust that you can accomplish what you want to. Trust that you can be who you want to be.

Then trust others. Trust that most people are not out to bring you harm. Trust that some people are simply not thinking about you - as you are probably not thinking about them. Trust that others are truly thinking about you even if it doesn't seem possible.

Just have faith. Okay?

I have faith that this strange post makes perfect sense to you... :)

Friday, September 11, 2009

I say Football you say Friday

I was driving by my old high school the other day and I had a flashback to our Friday Night Football. I could smell the food... see the crowd and the lights... hear the loudspeaker....feel people on all sides of me as I make my way to my seat. It was a great feeling. I could just feel the energy emanating off of the grass outside of my car. It made me feel so alive. Even though it was void of people at the time, I could see it all in my mind so clearly like it was last night. I felt the adrenalin rush I would get when I saw our first tackle of the season. It was crazy. I loved the atmosphere. I didn't love the whole squeezing through the crowd thing, but I knew we were all there for the same reason (well mostly). We were there to support our team and to watch the game. We were there to boo the other team when they got their first touchdown. We were there to rush the field after a fantastic game to show everyone who owns this field. You could say I miss having something to support. I miss being a part of something bigger than myself. It's too bad that I don't feel the same way about the kids that are playing now. I tried going to a game a few years ago and it just wasn't the same. They aren't my classmates, they aren't my generation. I don't understand them - they don't understand me. I might never be able to have the same Friday Night Football feeling again, but at least it's still in my heart. I'll never forget those awesome Friday nights.

Monday, August 31, 2009

Monday Morning Haze

This morning was one of those mornings where you wake up and try to figure out who you are, where you are, and what you are supposed to be doing.

Where am I? I have a dog? Why is this alarm going off? Oh, I probably have to work today...

And you know what? I am grateful for this momentary amnesia. It helps me appreciate everything I have. When I wake up... I am always somewhere safe. I have a dog! I have an alarm to wake me up and get me to work on time. I can hear my mom yelling at me to get up, and I'm grateful because I have a mother that doesn't want me to be late for work. As things start becoming clear to me I smile because I know that I am in a good place.

Then I bury my head back into my pillow wishing I could go back to sleep, but that happens every morning... haha!

Wednesday, August 26, 2009


Lately, when my dog or any dog gets really close to my face I have a flashback of sorts. When Topanga leans in to lick my face I envision her getting mean and biting my face instead. It's not pleasant to think about and I immediately put it out of my head because there is no way my dog would ever do that. It's just something I think I'm dealing with since I was bitten by my cousin's dog. I let Topanga lick my face and right away I am calmed by the fact that even if she knows I had a flash of fear, she is not going to hurt me. I'm so lucky to have her. She is definitely helping me get through this semi traumatic experience. I appreciate her ability to help me even if she's not really trying to help me.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Can't Touch This

Or that... or those.

In fear of sounding really psychotic, I'm going to write about it anyway.

I can't touch certain "rough" fabrics without getting goosebumps. Microfiber feels gross to me. It sticks on the dry parts of my hands and it just doesn't feel right. Sandpaper and anything that looks or feels like sandpaper is off limits. I can't sand anything without feeling really crappy and getting major goosebumps. I used to beg other students in wood shop or art class to sand my projects for me. I know other people have similar issues (like my aunt who can't touch suede), but mine gets worse. I can't file my nails. Unless I have ear plugs and I close my eyes. Even seeing my nails being filed with no noise - somehow I still feel it. The chills go straight to the top of my head! And if you think that's bad... how about eating potato chips? Sometimes I am overwhelmed by the sandpaper feel on my teeth that it just isn't worth eating them at all! I like the taste, but not the feel. Ha. So weird...

Just thought I'd share. Those are my "nails on a chalkboard"... oh, I forgot that's one of the worst! I have to cover my ears during that scene in Better Off Dead... HORRRRRIBLE!!!!!

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Chromo what?

Is it just me or do some colors make you feel sick? Especially some colors together. I don't like watching shows that use certain shades of orange and green together. Those colors in those certain shades make me feel sick to my stomach. I'm not exactly sure why...

I found this interesting article, but there still seems to be no data as to why or how emotions are evoked from specific colors.

Perhaps whenever I was sick in school they sent me to a nurses station which had orange chairs and green carpeting... bleh.... perhaps it is just an association and maybe new associations can be formed...?

I should conduct my own experiments and see if I can somehow surpass my sickly feelings when seeing certain color combinations.

Maybe I can extend my experiments to my little cousins... "do you like this color?" "how does it make you feel?" "why does it make you feel like that?" "does it remind you of something?" "like a big yellow cartoon character?? - is that why it makes you feel happy???" - Ok, not sure I will get too far on that one... but it's still interesting.

Monday, August 10, 2009

It's not like riding a bike...

I think I'm forgetting how to cook. I've been living with my mom for a bit... and she's such a good cook that --well why should I bother? I mean it might be a nice break for her, but why mess with a good thing? So the flip side of that is that I think I'm forgetting how to cook. Not good. I don't want to have to start all over again and burn things and not cook things long enough and starve myself in the process because I can't eat half of what I make! Just when I was beginning to get brave, the security blanket was flitted (is that even a word?) in front of me and I grabbed it. Let me be honest, I never liked cooking. I had a semi curious nature when it came to cooking, but I was completely happy allowing my mom to cook for me at all times of the day. Now, I feel that I need to really learn and remember so that I can cook for myself and someday for my family and someday for my grandkids -- all so that I and they can have the wonderful foods that I have grown up eating. See, it's all selfless here... Ok, never mind... I really am spoiled by my mom's food and sometimes even prefer eating her food to eating out! I didn't just say that... anyway... today I have volunteered to make a dish that I don't even like... FISH... ICK...GROSS!! But-- I'll only eat the fish my mom makes... so I guess I had better learn to make it.

Friday, July 31, 2009

Storage Incident

So, I have a storage unit... and the other day I went and got some summer clothes (we are having a very late summer this year). And, I find a box of nice work shirts and figure I can use them. I bring them home and start taking them out of the box and laying them out to assess and remember the long forgotten shirts from my storage.

As I am laying them out I notice this big clump of something... what the heck is it?! It looked like a birds nest made of material. I get closer so I can really see it without touching it and I realize that it is material from the shirts I am pulling out of this box. Hmmm... how is that possible? I look closer at the shirts... yup... it's from them. There's a nice hole in almost every one of the shirts.

Then I start to get nervous... Is there something in the box I am pulling these out of? There doesn't appear to be anything in the wad of material, but I'm not too sure yet. I grab a hangar and push the wad to the floor nothing falls out of it. I guess that's good. I tip the box and cautiously pull out my formal bridesmaid dress that I spent a bit of money on to only wear once and keep in storage. Well, thankfully no holes in it, but there are stains.... GREAT! Now I can't sell it on craigslist. I guess it was not going to go on craigslist anytime soon... BUT... I now have to see if I can get it drycleaned so that perhaps someday I can post it on craigslist... -- and the listing will read -- pretty blue formal dress, worn once, housed a few mice and was peed on in a few spots, was dry cleaned, so no big deal, you will probably only wear it once and keep it in storage anyway.

Ok, getting back to the box. I pull the dress out and freak out about the stains and then I carefully peek in the box. Granted I am not afraid of mice -- no, really, I'm not, I had them as pets as a kid -- I wanted to make sure that whatever mice where in the box were not rabid and were not going to jump on me and give me reason to have a rabies shot for the second time in my life ((another story for another time)).

Ok, all that suspense for nothing! I guess that's good. No more rabies shots for me - they really hurt by the way. Nothing but mouse poo... ew!

To top off my lovely story the storage company will not reimburse me. But they can give me some traps if I stop in the office. You know what?! NO!! I'm not going to put mouse traps in my storage unit so that I my clothes can then smell of dead mice. And I'm not going to get rid of the bodies myself. And I'm not going to kill the poor little mice that so innocently ruined my things. I guess it's time to find another storage unit.

Thursday, July 30, 2009


is overrated...

kinda kidding? I just don't feel like blogging lately... I have nothing good to say or interesting to say... so I'm not going to hog up the internets with mindless thoughts... like this one...

Friday, July 24, 2009


I love to drive. I'm not sure what it is... but it relaxes me. It keeps my mind off of things that are bugging me and helps me to think more clearly. I love exploring new places - just as long as I don't get lost. And lost I do get... but I won't go there... Sure it might be entertaining to you, but I've got a long drive on my hands today and I don't want to think about that right now. All I want to think about is the nice relaxing feeling I get from the view of the road among the trees and grassy inbetween thingy... what's that called.... um.... I forget. You know what I mean. I love listening to music too. Surprised? What's wrong with me and silence? I just don't like it. I think it makes the narrative voice in my head audible... You know the one that reads everything out loud to you even though you can clearly see what the sign says. The one that yells at you for turning here when you should have turned there... The one that tells you to pull over and ask someone - no seriously pull over! - even though you strongly believe you are going the right way. Yeah that one... I like to drown it out with music! It can be so annoying sometimes. I think the only time I like that voice is when it mocks people in a Sponge Bob voice. :) Then it's pretty cool!

Thursday, July 23, 2009

July 23, 2009


It's your birthday. I hope you are having a good day. Remember that time we surprised you by having your birthday party a week early? That was fun. I think you thought something was up, but you weren't absolutely sure. And you always know when something is up. Kind of like how you guess the ending to all of the movies we watch...haha. I think you were wearing your flying monkeys shirt that day...which made me chuckle because it so fit the day. "Don't make me get my flying monkeys"'s my birthday party and you'd better not tick me off! You should wear that shirt every birthday... except that it makes me think of those ugly things and they scare me... I digress... Back to your birthday. Do you feel any older than yesterday? I always try to think about weird things like that. How old do I really feel? Did I feel the same way when I was 12 years old as I do now? I know I've had to change my perspective at some point, but when exactly? Will I feel even different at 30, 50, or 70 than I do now? Will I feel that I've spent my time wisely? Will I feel any wiser than I was years before? Then I start to think, why think about all of this? It's my birthday and I just want to have fun! So tonight I hope you have fun! Don't think too much about how old --er young-- you are and try to have a great time.

Love you Mom!

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Dear Fatty

Comment by Neonmouse 07.22.2009 1:14 pm

Cancer Sucks! I admire your courage and strength as you go through this difficult time. When my brother was little he once asked my mom why we are here and she answered, “to love each other as much as we can.” It looks like you and your family are doing just that. I have lost some friends and famiy to cancer and I vow to keep loving those around me as much as I can. Oh, and did I already mention CANCER SUCKS!

((I spelled family wrong, but I'm sure fatty won't mind))

(((a correction from my mother: my brother asked, "why are we here if we are just going to die anyway?"...double oops!)))

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Cancer Sucks!

Cancer Sucks! Cancer Sucks! Cancer Sucks! Cancer Sucks! Cancer Sucks! Cancer Sucks! Cancer Sucks! Cancer Sucks! Cancer Sucks! Cancer Sucks! Cancer Sucks! Cancer Sucks! Cancer Sucks! Cancer Sucks! Cancer Sucks! Cancer Sucks! Cancer Sucks! Cancer Sucks! Cancer Sucks! Cancer Sucks! Cancer Sucks! Cancer Sucks! Cancer Sucks! Cancer Sucks! Cancer Sucks! Cancer Sucks! Cancer Sucks! Cancer Sucks! Cancer Sucks! Cancer Sucks! Cancer Sucks!

Sorry that fit was sparked by a blog that my mother keeps reading and that I am trying to avoid reading but I can't...

That's all, you can go back to what you were doing now.

Friday, July 17, 2009

Flying Brains

I've only ever flown once in my entire life... I know it seems strange that I grew up on an air base and have never flown until I was in my twenties. I never really had the need to fly anywhere and years ago it was cheaper to just drive. That was when gas was a dollar something a gallon. However, the one and only time I flew, I think I had an ear infection... scary stuff. I thought my ear was going to explode and that my brains were going to fly out and splatter on the guy next to me. Sounds gross, but that's what it felt like... So now, I am thinking about flying agian but all that comes to mind is brains on the guy next to me. And perhaps I've seen a few too many news stories about planes that has me not even wanting to think about flying right now. I'm going to fly anyway. I'm determined that if everyone and their baby does it... why am I afraid? It's no big deal... right? Well, this time I will have some support. The last time, I flew by myself. BUT - even though I will have support, I am determined to be ok and act like it's nothing new. Until my brains start flying out of my head... then I think I'd have every right to freak the heck out.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Beach Boys and Chuck E. Cheese

My dad and I were driving in my car and were listening to the Beach Boys song, "Surfin' USA." I have to laugh because everytime I hear that song I feel like I am 5 or 6 years old again and listening to the puppets on the Chuck E. Cheese stage sing "Surfin' USA." My dad says the song reminds him of Teen Wolf... but I think that's boring. Haha. I can still see the puppets... I really can't think of the Beach Boys when I hear that song. In fact, a lot of their songs I associate with those goofy puppets... because they sang a lot of their music. A search provided me with the band's name: The Beach Bowzers... too funny. The puppets don't look like the ones I remember though... and I have a photographic memory so....

here's the interesting link to my past...

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Burnt Popcorn

I'm not too keen on the smell of burnt popcorn, but it does make me hungry for regular (non-burned) popcorn. Or even the popcorn flavored jelly bellys!

Yes, someone burned popcorn in the office today... and NO it wasn't me! It was some other poor person who tried unsuccessfully to follow the time on the package instead of listening to the pops.

Now my hair's gonna smell like burned popcorn... I love how my hair picks up whatever scent is in the air... The time it smelled of burnt bagels I wanted to cut it all off!! That doesn't make for a pleasant purfume. Take my word for it. <--- does anyone else think of Reading Rainbow whenever anybody says this?? LOL!

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Shapes in Clouds

Sometimes I think the clouds mock our earthly existence by forming shapes familiar to us but yet still abstract enough that we can't be too sure that is what we are really seeing. We run around trying to get stuff done and make it here and get this there - all the while they are up there floating by us at such a relaxed pace that I can't stand it sometimes. I love the days where I can be still and watch them move while I do nothing. Those days don't come very often, but when they do, I enjoy every minute of it. It's like the clouds have to keep moving, but I get to stop and just be. Yet when I stop, that's when I see the shapes that are familiar to me. They are there, yet they are whispy and ever changing. It's like a reflection of our existence... reminding me that I need to start moving again.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Independence Day

I have a feeling that we are so far removed from that day that we no longer have the strong feelings of patriotism that were felt the days after our independence was gained. So, today, tomorrow, and this weekend, I am going to be thankful and somewhat patriotic.

I am thankful that I live in a country where I can freely write how I feel. Where I have a choice. Where I am not fearful of losing my freedoms or my rights. Where I have the privilege to not have to worry about my freedoms or my rights. Where I have great opportunity for higher education. Where I have full access to a wealth of information from many resources. Where I am protected from crime, scams, and fraud. Where I am free to watch, read, or listen to whatever I choose. I am so thankful today. I am glad that America is independent and I am proud of how far we have come as a nation.

To show my appreciation, I will continue to educate myself, to listen, to vote, and to exercise my freedoms. Thanks.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009


**Not to be confused with the basketball MJ**

I am sad that Michael Jackson has died. I think he was quite the icon in the 80s. I remember the California Raisins performing his songs on the tv show. Ok, I was fairly young for MJ, but I still remember. I had the Moonwalk movie and my brother and I watched it over and over and over.... and over... we tend to do that if we like something. I have to be honest and say that I mourned the loss of MJ a while ago - or at least my idea of who he really was. My idea of what he was based on the songs he sang. I'm not sure about what happened with him, but I have my suspicions that he was trying to be something he was not. That saddened me a long time ago. Today I am shocked that his complete fate is here, but we will always have his music - and his Moonwalk video... somewhere...

Thursday, June 25, 2009


A quote from me to a fellow coworker:

I didn't like it, it was really rubbery... I felt like I was eating... I don't know... rubber.

Mad Max

One of the guys at work was singing a Tina Turner song and it reminded me of the Mad Max movies I saw when I was a kid. What goofy movies, at least they were interesting. My brother and I both liked the movies and watched them a few times... especially the one with Tina Turner in it. I liked her shiny outfits... lol.

Great, now I have the song stuck in my head...... WE don't need aNOTHER HEro...

Oh well, it's a good song.

If you haven't seen these movies, you don't have to see them... they are weird... haha.

Plane Jane

I am a plane jane. Here's a weird concept, I love makeup, but I don't always love to wear it. Most times I prefer to go naked (makeupwise)...hence my being a plane jane. It's ok, you can think so. I got teased for being a sarah plain and tall. I am very tall too. It bugged me back then, but now....not so much. I care what I think I look like, but I don't care what you think I look like. Haha. Well, sometimes I like to plain jane it at work... I figure why do I bother with all the gunk. I wasn't born with it on me, so why do I put it on (again, I'm talking about makeup here)... Sometimes I wonder what all that crap has in it... can it cause cancer or will it have some other adverse affect on my skin when I am older? Who decided that people's faces needed more color? That they needed to be made up? I would like to kick his (or her) butt! Well, I can't help but be stuck in the world of makeup because I end up getting to work and then seeing my pale, unmade face in the mirror under the harsh fluorescent lights and I freak. I should have at least used mascara or even just a little eyeliner! Then, I go home and experiment with my makeup - I have a lot... how much... you don't want to know. I think this replaces a shoe fetish? Anyway... I make myself up and I feel really pretty and then I go and wash it off... And then I wear makeup to work for a few months.... then I forget how awful I feel I look without it and get brave and I junk it for a day and go sans the clown stuff. Then I see myself in the mirror... and the whole cycle starts itself over again. Vicious cycle of inanity!

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Sad, But Great Movies

Gran Torino
Blood Diamond
Hotel Rwanda
Finding Neverland
I Am Sam
We Are Marshall

It seems to me that the saddest movies can be among the best movies, but I honestly don't like bawling my eyes out... But for the story sometimes it's just worth it.

Movies I have yet to be brave enough to watch:

The Notebook
Patch Adams
Seven Pounds
Marley & Me

Thursday, June 18, 2009

My Dad

So I know it's only Thursday, but I feel like posting something about my dad for Fathers' Day. I like to put the apostrophe after because it is a day to celebrate all fathers, and especially mine.

So here goes...

My dad is a very laid back guy. He is very patient and easy going. You can talk to him about anything and doesn't wince when you tell him something that you know he doesn't want to hear about. He is very open and honest and will tell you like it is. He doesn't always agree with how it is and he will tell you that you can change it. He is a very good therapist. He has a calming voice and can talk you down from almost anything. He is persuasive and yet supportive. Sometimes my dad appears to be in his own world and we joke about that...but for how busy he is, I suppose that he has a lot on his mind. My dad may seem really slow paced sometimes, but for how fast paced everything is around us, sometimes it helps the rest of us to take it easy. Other times I think it can drive us nuts...haha. My dad is very protective of his family. He makes sure that we have what we need. He is always buying things for my brother and me and rarely expects us to pay him back... we usually do though. My dad is a strong person and has been through a lot. He has worked his way up the ladder in his career and has really proven himself to be a good employee and a fantastic manager.

Here's to my dad: A family man, a career man, a trekkie, a star wars nut, a video gammer, a computer nerd, a Dr. Evil impersonator, a Homer Simpson enthusiast, a therapist, a military veteran, a funny man, a grumpy man, a sensible man, a caring man, a Chris Farley fan, a weird man, a patient man, a movie buff.......................

He is MANY more things to me, but I don't know that you want me to list everything.... do you? And I'm not talking to!

Happy Fathers' Day Dad!!! I hope this Sunday is a nice one!

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

More on Stress

No, not moron stress... I don't even know what that is... ha...


Sometimes I come to a point where I realize that things are out of my control and that's when I start to relax. I like that I can't control everything. I like not feeling totally responsible for everything. Sometimes I can't help the situation at hand and so I just deal with it.

In my opinion, the sooner you realize that you cannot completely control your life or the things in it, the sooner you will relax more and just try your best to go with the flow. I also think that letting go of control of things in your life is one of the hardest things to do...

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Stress Relief

There seems to be a lot of stressed out people around me lately. I am a little, but not so much. There are some bad things going on in my life right now, but then there are some really good things too... I think sometimes it balances out and keeps me from being too stressed. But for those times that I am completely stressed out....may I suggest:

- Take a hot bath
- Drink hot decaffinated tea
- Take deep breaths
- Read a magazine or book that appeals to you
- Watch a movie...whatever genre you are in the mood for
- Pamper something for you
- Take a long drive and listen to your favorite music
- Take a walk and just observe your surroundings
- Write stuff down to get it out of your head
- Visit with family or friends if you are in the mood for company
- Work out - get your butt to the gym

That's it... hope it works!

Thursday, June 11, 2009


Did you ever try to think about exactly how big the universe is and what is on the other side of the universe? What is the universe expanding into? How many galaxies are there? Where does it end? And when it ends, what is the end? What does the end of something look like!? What does infinity look like? It has to end somewhere... When I start thinking about these things... I feel! I can't wrap my mind around these things and I'm left with an awkward and uneasy feeling and my head hurts... then I start to feel really small and insignificant and I start to feel like I can't breathe and my heart beats faster... I feel like my brain is on overload - I'm trying to solve a puzzle that is beyond my level of thinking. This is not something I like to think about very often.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

DC Holocaust Museum Shooting

So, wow, the rumors were true. It was an 88yr old guy involved in a hate group. I don't know that I even want to talk about it. I guess that I didn't believe that kind of hate still and my rose colored glasses....I think sometimes you have to have a pair to keep from losing your mind with all of the bad news we have access to...

I think that these hate group members need to look in a mirror and seriously ask themselves why they have the capacity to hate someone that deeply... why they hold onto anger... why they negatively stereotype groups of people... and most importantly why they need other people to join them in their nonsense... That's what it is, it's nonsense... I don't care what they say their reasons are... NONsense!

I'm sorry for anyone who has been hurt by this absolute NONSENSE... It's awful.

Half Empty

So I suppose I am a glass half empty kinda person... but if you'd just fill it up the rest of the way, we wouldn't have to discuss it. :)

Oh, what if I find a few other half emptiers and we put it all together in one big pitcher? Then we'd have NOTHING to discuss! Probably because we drank it all....haha.


There was a shooting in DC today at the Holocaust Museum. So far there is talk that it may have been an 89yr old man who was involved in a hate group... but that could just be rumor. I don't understand it! Why?! School shootings...why? Random shootings....WHY?! Maybe the fact that I don't understand it is a good thing and maybe I want to keep it that way. But oh the pain and hurt involved! Why do these people have to transfer their pain and suffering to others? Why can't they just commit suicide? If you don't like this world, LEAVE and leave everyone else alone!!! This world may not be perfect, but it's what we've got... so live the best you can or BUG OFF! Sorry, I'm angry... I'm really angry. I'm upset. There have been too many random killing sprees in my time and I'm fed up. How can we protect our innocent and yet uphold our constitutional rights at the same time? It seems to me that times have changed far too greatly since the constitution was created and while we are trying our best to keep our rights, we are also failing to keep everyone protected. There is such a fine line between protecting public well being and protecting privacy that it appears lines are certainly being crossed... but what else can be done? There has to be something....

Friday, June 5, 2009

My Gramma

I love my Gramma Skunko - I couldn't say her last name right and this is what it ended up being all these years. She's the coolest gramma ever. She is and was a fantastic cook. She's not cooking so much anymore, I think after cooking for 6 kids and 13 grandkids, she's done with that. I have learned so much about cooking from her. She always taught me the dash of this and pinch of that way. I love cooking this way... I'm not a structured person, if I have too many measurements... I'm bound to mess up. My grandmother was very patient with me. I will not say that she is like that with anyone else... but she seems to be with me. We laugh and giggle and eat half of the dough or fresh beans we are using. She used to say "one for the pot, two for me, two for the pot, three for me..." all the while handing me peices of whatever to eat... I loved it! She and I made messes! Huge messes. We would spill flour on the floor and get it on our faces and she'd just laugh. This is the point where if I was with my mother she would get upset with me and tell me to leave the kitchen...haha. I think it's different for grammas. My gramma wasn't pushing me to be independent, just letting me help her in my own way.

Recently my gramma promised to show me how to make periogi's... I have to take her up on her word real soon!

favorite quote from my gramma:

me: where are you going?
gramma: crazy, want to come...

Good Old Fashioned Fun

I have this strange urge to go do something that I haven't done in a go bowling. To be honest I really stink at it and I don't much care for it. But, it's something that I have a lot of fun memories of. I usually have fun. I'm gonna text my friend and see what she's up to... :)

Wednesday, June 3, 2009


I am claustrophobic. I am absolutely not the worst case scenario... but I still deal with the extreme fear. After years of dealing with the fear, I think that I am overcoming it to some degree. I know how to deal with my fear, I will not say that I can control it, because I cannot, but I manage my fear so that I will never be at the height of my fear.

Things I fear:

*Being stuck in an elevator
*Getting stuck in a cave because of falling rocks
*Drowning because I cannot reach the surface of the water
*Being locked in a small room
*Being stuck in my car if I am in an accident
*Being stuck out in the ocean with no way back to shore
*Getting lost - completely lost with no way back to civilization
*Getting stuck in a roller coaster seat because the lap bar broke
*Being stuck in an office building

Things I have freaked out about:

*I got locked in a bathroom when I was little and screamed bloody murder
*A not so nice babysitter locked me in a room when I was little because I was crying/screaming for my parents and I started to freak out and scream even louder
((prehaps these first two items are a cause of my fear...?))
*In a car accident, the hood of my car slid over my car doors so that I could not open them and I panicked (I guess I thought the windows wouldn't work either?)
*While camping I felt like there wasn't enough air in the tent and I cried
*After watching the movie Poseidon, I bawled at the end and I felt like I couldn't breathe...
*Whenever I watch people spelunking on TV, I can't breathe...
*When my seat belt locks I get panicky and work to loosen it quickly
*When the lap bar on a roller coaster takes a little longer to release than expected, I get nervous

Actions I take to minimize my fear:

*I make sure I am close to a working exit
*I make sure that I have a clear path to an exit if I can't be right beside one
*I sit in the back of the bus so I feel like I have more room
*I take the stairs as much as possible
*I sit by fans and air vents so that I feel like I have all the air in the world
*I close my eyes and imagine myself somewhere else
*When in an office I make sure I know where all the exits are and the paths to them

I think that fears can be controlled by taking actions to prevent the fear itself - avoidance to some degree. The main thing to remember is that the fear is irrational and I think that helps. I can't completely convince myself that everything is fine, but I don't get to the point where I am freaking out totally and shoving people out of my way so that I can get out. Sometimes I feel like doing that though....

One more thought... I just want to thank whoever made the MRI machines with the hole in the top and the air that blows over your face the whole time... somehow the air makes me feel like I am completely safe.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Too Many Movies!

There are too many movies in this world. I feel like I am always trying to catch up. I can't breathe! There are so many older movies that I need to watch and so many new movies that have been on DVD for months now that I haven't seen yet. I feel the urge to keep up, but on the other hand... I feel the urge to go outside and play baseball.

Monday, June 1, 2009


If I were one of the goonies, you would most definitely have to call me Mouth. I don't know what it is... sometimes I just can't shut up and enjoy the quiet. I feel like I have to analyze everything and put it into my own words. I feel the need to explain everything. I'm bad with email too. I thank people for thanking me. That had to stop. I'm done with the superfluous emails for sure. As for talking, I'm getting tired of it... I think I need a break. Sometimes I like to listen and I feel like I haven't done that in a while. Perhaps keeping my TV on for the noise is just a bit too much lately. I think my head is so cluttered that my own talking is becoming a nuisance. Maybe if I relax and listen for a while, the chatter in my head will calm down too. --No, I don't hear voices in my head, just my voice telling me things I should do, things I shouldn't have done, things I want to do-- Jeez, my conscience can be such a nag sometimes... LOL. Ok, just listening.....starting..... NOW...

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

The Procrastinator

I am the Procrastinator.

I suppose I choose to be one... but I am not proud of it. I joke about it, but realize that I need to get the ball rolling on some things I need to do. I hate putting people off. It is never my intention...but I lose steam and when I am frustrated I tend not to do things at all. I start out strong working on something and then I hit a road block and then what do I do? Absolutely nothing! I don't even let the thought of it slip into my head. I forget about it. Convenient for me I suppose, but not so much for someone who is waiting on me to finish.

For anyone who has had to wait on me to finish something... I'm sorry. I've been working on getting better at just getting things done all at once that way I don't put it off and it's been working for the small projects. But for the big ones... Eh, I don't even want to think about it. But I will make the effort to try to finish things right away or within a reasonable amount of time.

I'm sorry to myself too... I've wanted to redesign my blog and create my own logo for some time and it's been too long. I will have to work myself into my schedule at some point. Some point after I've finished other commitments...

NECESSARY NOTE: This does not include things at work, they get done because I am really good like that. This does not include things that would need immediate attention either. This only includes things that are not a high priority, but are somewhere on my to-do list.

Friday, May 22, 2009

The Power of Love

There seem to be three things that drive people in this world.

1. Love
2. Power
3. Insanity

From all the movies I've seen, love always wins in the end. I think this is true even in real life. Love wins no matter what. Even if justice was not served in a specific case...everyone is on the side of those who were driven by love - offering more love... which in its own way is power. I guess you could argue that only power and insanity rule this world, but I think love sounds better.

Maybe I watch too many movies...

Now I can't get "The Power of Love" song out of my head.........

Now I feel like watching "Back to the Future"...........................

Olly Olly Oxen Free

Did you ever yell that while playing a game as a kid? I always wondered what it meant. Apparently it is a german saying "Alle, alle auch sind frei" which means "everybody is free." Makes a lot more sense now. I used to yell it when we were playing flashlight tag and I could see someone who was close to the base and I knew we could make it without the person who was "it" catching us. That had to be the best game ever! The saying brings back such fun memories.

Reference: Wikipedia

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Father's Day

Me: what should we get/do for dad? i'm not really sure...

Mom: we need to get him some time. he has been so upset lately about not having time for things. : (

Me: Hahaha... I can make some time.... but I don't know that I can transfer it to him... :P

Days Like This

You know it's going to be a long day when you are hungry enough to eat your lunch at 9 in the morning...

update: I caved and ate my lunch at 10am. Maybe muscle building b/c of the gym?

Monday, May 18, 2009


Renting an apartment in the late spring is just crazy - but a good crazy. I have so many people interested in my apartment that I am forgetting what times I am suggesting to which people to meet to see it. I have a list of the confirmed times so I should be ok, but it's the e-mailing back and forth with 20 or so people that has me just flabbergasted. The end of this week should be a very good one for me!!

That is such a funny word... makes me laugh to say it. Haha...ha...ha...hehehe....heh...heh...ha... Rob are you laughing yet? You are such a gigglemonkey!

Sunday, May 17, 2009

iWant an iPhone

But there are too many reasons for me not to get an iPhone.

1. They are very expensive
2. The phone I have now works just fine
3. The iPhone is still locked
4. By the time I buy an iPhone, they will come out with the iDo-everything-the-iPhone-doesn't
5. I have a very bad habbit of dropping cell phones into water - don't ask me how mine still's been dropped into water at least 3 times!!
6. It would be a huge distraction for me and I wouldn't pay attention to you standing beside me unless you were texting me
7. I would use it to play games at night and fall asleep playing it
8. I would annoy my mom with all the cool new apps I find
9. I'd be comforming to society - ew...
10. If I missed calls, I couldn't blame it on my barely functioning - water logged phone
11. I would further annoy my mom by dragging my dad into the games and apps I find
12. Some might be more tempted to steal the phone when I leave it in the grocery cart while I go in the next row to grab something
13. I wouldn't have any use for my laptop, Zune player, car stereo, Palm Pilot, camera, GPS, or even my TV

Friday, May 15, 2009

Boy from Last Night

Little boy from last night:

I just want to tell you that you scared me. It was hard to see you last night. You were wearing all black and it was pouring out. You weren't in a crosswalk, or even at an intersection for that matter. I could just barely make out the light skin on your moving hands to see that there was something in front of my car on that busy street. I hope that you are safe and dry right now. Please don't do that again. I would never want the injury or death of a young man on my conscience - even if it wasn't my fault.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

On Being Faithful Part II

Ok, so the other day I was ranting about what's wrong with people and how they are unfaithful and how it's specifically men.... Well...someone near and dear to me has been dealing with a cheating husband and I was upset and shocked to find out.

Let me go on to explain that not all people (specifically men) are like that. My parents just celebrated 28 years of marriage. (A big congratulations to them!!) As much as they fight and carry on, I know that they are in love and have made a life together. I cannot tell you that they are perfect, but they try to love each other as best they can. I think marriage is a lot of work, but hopefully the rewards are worth the work.

I do not know the reasons behind one being unfaithful... and even though I believe it is wrong, I understand that they may believe they have good reason for it. It may be a result of fear or anger or some other disabling thing. I find it rather sad and I still think that it just should not happen.

My advice? Don't get married if you think this will be a problem. If you don't know that it will be a problem until it is a problem, don't pretend that everything is alright. Everything is not alright.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Strange Things

Here are some strange things that I have learned in my lifetime so far:

- Never put glow sticks in your mouth
- Always check that the toilet seat is down
- Never go near a beauty school student who has bobbie pins
- Always make sure who the person is behind the mask before you react
- Never put the end of a phone charger in your mouth while it is plugged in
- Always make sure of where the cat is before opening the dog food
- Never agree to retrieve javelins
- Always wear boots in a warehouse in winter, even if it doesn't feel that cold
- Never assume all is clear when quickly ducking into a bunk bed
- Never agree to be the front of the train while sledding
- Always make sure the horse you are touching is not touching the electric fence
- Never jump on really large boxes in order to destroy them
- Always check your pillow for stink bugs, or any bug for that matter

Why do I always have to learn the hard way?! LOL!

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Bolt and Rhino

So I was watching the movie Bolt this weekend and if you haven't seen it and you find creepy hamsters funny... you have to see it! I don't know why I got such a kick out of that hamster named Rhino... Everytime that thing spoke I foud myself in a fit of laughter. What a creepy little guy!

On Being Faithful

Is it really that difficult to be faithful? Maybe I am from planet Mars or something, but I don't understand it. When you get married, you take an oath to be faithful to the other person. Once you break that, does that mean your marraige is null? What is wrong with people? More I just need to get that off my chest. Okay, I'm good now. --Oh, and this has nothing to do with me--

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Eminent Domain

I just read that the government is condemning land near Shanksville, Pennsylvania for the flight 93 memorial. 2,200 acres are required for the memorial and $58 billion dollars will be used.

Question 1: Who is going to pay for this?
Question 2: Why do they need that much land?
Question 3: Will many people visit this memorial?

This story has me really upset today. As a property owner, I feel the pain. Okay, so I don't have 500 acres of land, but I still understand that these people pay taxes on their property and they have ideas and uses for their property. They never knew that a plane was going to crash on their land and cause a tragedy that needs to be remembered. I understand the need to remember, the need to create something for the families, the need to allow people to mourn the loss, but do they really need that much land to do so?

See the whole story here on Yahoo:

See the definition of Eminent Domain here:

To end on a positive note: Dress Down Day at work tomorrow!!! :) That so made my day!

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

It's Complicated

Sometimes I think I make life more complicated than it has to be. Sometimes life is about living, not thinking. I worry way too much. If I would just stop over thinking every move I make, maybe life wouldn't be so complicated. I would like to STOP and just have fun. This is my exit and I'm getting off for a while. My path will continue when I am ready. Sometimes I like taking the winding road in which I have no idea where it leads. Who cares? I need to have fun during the journey and stop worrying about what lies ahead. Lol, I feel like I'm making it more complicated by even writing this post about it. So, I'm done over complicating things.... If it wasn't really late on a weeknight, I'd be enjoying life! For now I'll just dream about enjoying it.

Just Jargon

typical troubleshooting at work:

Issue 1:
VPN Issue - she was kicked out of VPN and now she is not able to log back in.

checked logged in users and there were none to purge. no disabled accounts. checked her epass and it is fine. she says she is able to get to the internet. had her reboot and try again, still not working. sending to prod.

Issue 2:
email address:
Add serial number of PC to sn field of ticket
Description of problem: her groupwise kept closing out on her.

landesked, reinstalled groupwise. seems ok now. she will call back if it happens again.

Thursday, April 30, 2009


I am embarrassed to admit that I watch cartoons. Not just the Simpsons or Family Guy or Ren and Stimpy or the "adult" cartoons, I watch Tom and Jerry and Bugs Bunny and Daffy... and I laugh at them. I've probably seen them a million times and I know what is going to happen, but somehow it's still funny. The MGM cartoons are probably my favorite. I also watch cartoons I watched when I was a kid like Johnny Bravo and Rocko's Modern Life and Angry Beavers and The Fairly Odd Parents and Spongebob (ok, I might not have been a kid by then)...... well you get the picture. I like cartoons. I'm embarrassed about it, BUT I have to say...sometimes the News is terribly depressing. Cartoons are an escape for me. An escape from the stress of every day life. They truly make me laugh like a little kid. I don't feel any less intelligent for watching them. I just like stupid cartoons. Don't get me wrong, I don't ALWAYS watch cartoons. I have been known to watch more informative things at times that I am inclined to do so. BUT, cartoons are light and airy and they are noise to keep me from the dreaded quiet. They don't bog me down with worry and disgust. They are what they are and I like them. I'm still embarrassed to tell you that though.

Monday, April 27, 2009

Me, a Vegetarian?

I've always thought I should become a vegetarian but have not tried to do it. For several reasons: I like chicken way too much to give it up, we humans are predators we are supposed to eat meat, I don't like tofu - at all, I can't stand soy products or lentils, I like my occasional McD's Big Mac...mmmmm, another reason may or may not be laziness. I feel terrible for the way the animals are treated, I really do. I try not to think about it. What's more sad is that animals like pigs are very intelligent and make very good pets. :( It makes me want to cry. I try not to eat pork anymore, but I LOVE hot dogs and get cravings for them when I smell them. I haven't had one in a long time - probably over a year, but I don't know how much longer I can keep that going. Turkey dogs are really good too, but does that make it any better?! I'm on the fence and I'm trying to live on both sides... When I am invited to a pig roast, I can eat the pork as long as I have not seen the pig. If I see the pig, I cannot touch the pork. Especially if the carcass is on the same table. So weird that as a predator I cannot stand the site of an animal carcass. I cannot stand my meat to be rare or even medium rare, it has to be WELL done. On the flip side, I feel that hunting is a good thing and it keeps population down and I am happy if the hunter uses all of the meat and even the skin and bones for other purposes. I guess hunting and farming are different. Too bad I can't stand the taste of fresh game compared to a fast food burger... I guess I'll continue my meat eating from my fence for now.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Running Away

I was talking about books today and thought of my favorite book from my childhood. It was called Maniac Magee and it was about a boy who ran away and had some neat adventures along the way. He was fearless. He would join different people and live with them for a while and then just pick up and move on and find some other family or cult to become a part of. Me? I was too afraid to run away and never actually went through with it. I packed my suitcase - my Simpson's suitcase - a few times, but could never get further than my backyard. I would always think about my family and how they'd feel and then I'd start to tear up. I'd wipe my face and go back inside and pretend that nothing happened - I'd be too embarrassed to have to explain why I wanted to run away. One time I stayed in my bed for a whole day until my mom found me in the middle of the day (probably around 10 or 11am)... I was angry that no one was looking for me. But, I have to admit that eventually she was looking for me and found me. I was glad she did. I am not even sure why I was upset or angry, but I remember that after she found me, everything was ok. So, I think this book meant something to me because I wanted the experience of running away from it all and I could have it without actually doing it. I think I knew that the streets were no place for a child. It was a scary place as it was. If you've ever lost your parents in a store or got lost in the woods, you know exactly what I mean - scary for a kid anyway. I had a hard enough time being without my parents while I was at a babysitters or staying overnight somewhere... how could I leave them forever?! I really connected with the book and was able to get past the things that made me want to run away. I read this book over and over and over... So that's my story on this story.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

What's Good?

Seems that there is so much sad and not good around me lately. I remember as a kid I would come home and my mom would ask me about school and I'd tell her all the horrible things that happened and she'd cut me off and say "What's good?!" Then she'd pry something good out of my day. At the time it was annoying, but really... my days can't all have been that bad. And even today.... I have a lot that's not good around me, but I want to talk about the good.

What's good?

My dog bite is healing quite well and it looks like there will hardly be a scar at all!
I deflected a scary dog chase and rushed my parent's pup indoors before she could run after a walker - phew!
I got a package in the mail - love getting packages!
It's one day closer to Friday!
No gym tonight... LOL!
I had a nice conversation via text message with my brother last night, he made me smile so much my dog bite hurt a little - I consider that a good hurt.
I'm trying to teach myself CSS and am starting to get the jist of it.
My dog is finally starting to listen to me - we're still working on it.
George the Cat is being extremely friendly with me lately, I guess that's good.
At work we are finishing our work with Account Management and I can see light at the end of the tunnel!
I have colored paperclips!!
I found wallpaper with an Alligator today... it's a long story, but it made me smile.

Ok, that should be enough happy for now. :)

And now it should be safe to tell you that I have a headache.......

Monday, April 20, 2009

To Adam


I am so sorry.

I'm sorry you had to suffer the pain of radiation.
I'm sorry that you had to get this horrid disease at such a young age.
I'm sorry that my mother is hurting over your passing.
I'm sorry that you had to have one of the worst cancers there are.
I'm sorry that you knew your fate was coming.
I'm sorry that I did not get a chance to say goodbye.
I'm sorry for your family and your friends who are heartbroken.
I'm sorry that we will miss your smile and your charm.
I'm sorry that the company will have to live on without you.
I'm sorry that they had to have a service for you today.
I'm sorry that you were in so much pain.
I'm sorry that you had to be on oxygen.
I'm sorry that you spent your last few months fighting and not living.
I'm sorry that my mother will not get to hear your funny stories anymore.

I'm not sorry.

I'm not sorry that I met you.
I'm not sorry that you were a part of my mother's life.
I'm not sorry that the company will close for a day to remember you.
I'm not sorry that you were such a good friend to my mother.
I'm not sorry that you are now pain free.
I'm not sorry that I cried when I thought about your smile.
I'm not sorry that you left a mark on a lot of people's lives.
I'm not sorry that you will be remembered for a long time.

It is raining today. I like when it rains for someone who has passed. It feels like the earth is crying for you. It rained at my Popop's funeral a little. It just felt like the earth agreed that it lost an honorable soul. Today is no different, actually it is raining harder than it did way back in 1993. Adam, I hope that you are ok wherever you are. I hope that you can see how much you meant to everyone and how many lives you have touched. Your story is a tragic one, but you were so much larger than life and your story will change lives. I hope that someday they will find a cure for cancer that doesn't involve radiation. RIP, Adam.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

When the Dog Bites

So I haven't posted on here in a while and this time I have a good excuse. A dog bit me. I'm totally serious. Let me first tell you that I am a dog person. I love dogs. I have lived with dogs all my life. A lot of my family members have had dogs and so I have been exposed to many different dogs. Including a Sheepdog, Great Peirnese dogs, German Shepherds, a Poodle, Labs, Boonie dogs, Rotweilers, Mutts, a Greyhound, a Whippet, and I'm sure there's a dog or two that I'm forgetting... But lots of different types of dogs. Mostly friendly dogs. Some I knew not to go near. They would warn you and growl at you and give you the mean eye. The dog that bit me however, did not. It was my cousin's dog. He was wagging his tail and bringing me toys and when I thought he was lifting his head up to lick my face...boy was I in for quite a shock. I'm not proud of what I yelled, but I was glad that I had people around me to work quickly to get me fixed up. I yelled "Oh my God!" and on Easter Sunday!! My brother always yells at me for saying things like that. I guess it's just a phrase that became a part of my vocabulary years ago and I never gave it any thought. It doesn't mean to me what it means to others. It is just an exclamation for me. Anyway, I now have 5 stitches in my face and am in the healing process both physically and mentally. The day after it happened I kept having flashbacks to when it happened and could feel the dog biting me over and over... that was such mental torture. I actually went to work that day to keep my mind off of things. I think it helped a little. I was pretty tired by the end of the day though. It's been hard to sleep, but last night I think I slept better than the other nights. It's only been 3 days since the incident and I am hoping that in time, this will not be a large part of my daily thoughts. My thoughts go from -what was the dog thinking?- to -my mom was also there and her face was close to him too, what if it had been her?!- to -i want to kick that dog in the head- to -i feel so bad for a dog who has to live a life in fear like that.- to -what is my cousin going to do with her dog? is she afraid of her own dog because of what happened?- It's just so stressful. I'm trying my best (per my mom's suggestion) to let go of things that I do not need to deal with, like my cousin and her dog. My mom is right, it's not my problem. My problem is healing and getting sleep. I'm waiting for things to get back to normal. That's all I really want right now. No stitches, no bruises, no cuts, no stinging pain, no trouble eating because I'm worried I'll split my stitches. However, I also want to note that I am VERY LUCKY!!! This whole thing could have been so much worse. My nose, ears, and eyes are all still intact (even though I dreamt he bit my nose off). I'm so lucky and I am so thankfull that things are not worse. If this had to happen, I'm glad it happened the way it did. I am also thankful for a family that is quick to react and who was pretty calm during the whole event. I can't imagine going to an ER alone and having to explain what happened when all you want to do is get it over with and leave the ER already.

PS, I've never seen the move The Sound of Music. It was on the other day, but I didn't get a chance to watch it. I've heard it is good, so I might just have to rent it. :)

Thursday, April 9, 2009


I would like to take the time to talk about Italy.

My heart goes out to everyone who has lost their homes, their family members, or both. This is such a tragedy. I feel such grief when I hear about what happened that I can hardly stand to watch the news. If I really listen to what the people are saying I'm certain it would bring me to tears. I listen to the death toll, but try not to compare how many people that would be where I live because it would hurt too much. I feel bad that I can't open myself to listen to the news or really understand what's going on, but I fear that if I do, I would be a mess. It is too easy for me to empathize with people and feel what they are going through, even if I've never had an experience anywhere close. I think it is something special about me, but something that I like to stay away from. It gives me great passion, but also great sadness.

One thing that made me smile through all of this was Madonna's (Madonna Louise Ciccone) donation. Madonna has Italian heritage, but that certainly didn't mean she had to donate her money to help them. It was a very nice gesture on her part. I have also heard that the First Lady of France has donated money as well. I am very thankful for people who have the means to fill a need and do.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Lil Bro

As an older sister I am always feeling the urge to protect my brother. Even though he is an adult and he can certainly take care of himself, I still see him as the little boy in day care who begged me not to go to school and leave him at the babysitters. He didn’t get along with that particular babysitter and I had to leave him in tears on a few occasions. It was heart breaking and even as I watch him in his struggles now, I still see that tear stained face looking up at me asking me for help. I’m not exactly sure why I feel the need to protect him and I’m sure he doesn’t really want or need to be protected. Sometimes I wonder if the guilt of not having been able to help him then pushes me to try to help him now. I guess I feel that maybe I can spare him some of the struggles I’ve been through by sharing my experiences and what I have learned from them. I don’t like to see him hurt. What’s even more surprising is that my brother and I don’t always get along. Probably from my need to make sure he is ok. It may seem controlling to him. My mother has yelled at me for this for years, but I think that it is just part of being an older sibling. As an older sibling you want to protect the younger ones and make sure that things are ok. What’s funny is that we are not that far apart in age, but I still feel the urge to help him. Now I am slowly learning to keep my distance and let him come to me. If he needs me, he knows where I am.

Thursday, April 2, 2009


Of all the years I've been on this planet, I have not had any experiences that would lead me to believe in ghosts.

I have decided that either:

A. there are no ghosts and the things people experience can be explained by science


B. the ghosts know that they will scare the crap out of me if they show themselves so they stay the heck away

In either case, if you asked me if I believed in ghosts, I would tell you no.

I have friends that believe in ghosts and have told me stories about things that have happened to them that make me cringe thinking about it. But it's just not good enough proof for me.

The idea of ghosts really scares me despite my belief. I have watched movies like "Skelton Key" and "What Lies Beneath" that kept me up for hours past my bed time worrying that maybe I'm wrong. However, the next morning I'm usually back to my old non-believing self. These two movies really make you think about it though... ever watched them? I really liked them, but am a little hesitant to watch them a second time...haha!

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Slow Motion

Why do I feel like everything is in slow motion today? I feel like my hands are going in slow motion as I type this. What gives? Kinda weird.

I promise I didn't take anything... no cough medicine... no allergy - er wait, I took my zyrtec, does that count? I haven't been taking it regularly... mabye it is affecting me...?

I guess slow is good. Beats the I-can't-even-go-to-the-bathroom-I'm-so-busy-my-eyeballs-are-floating days! Once in a while, a nice, Slooooooooooow paced daaaaay is gooooood.... I guuuessss. Gosh, I feel like Eyore...just so sloooooowwwww........moving....taaaalking....tyyyping...

Lol, I think I'm going to have to wake up before I go to the gym tonight or that could be pretty weird.

Monday, March 30, 2009


I believe winking has to be done at the right time and for the right situation - otherwise it's just awkward. The right situations are, for example, when your mother is playing a joke on your father and she winks at you to indicate that she is pulling the wool over his eyes. Or when it is a big day and you are really nervous and your father winks to let you know that everything will be ok. When your brother knows something only the two of you know and he winks as if to say... yeah i know....

When people wink at me when there's no joke, no big day, no brotherly knowledge, it makes me feel uncomfortable. I sit there trying to figure out what they meant by it. Did they wink because it's a nice day? Did they wink because they thought I looked nice. Did they wink because they know something more than I am seeing? What in the world did they mean? I might even look at them a few times indicating...tell me why you just winked at me... then they smile and it makes me even more uncomfortable. Ugh... Was he flirting and now I'm playing into it by looking at him? Was she trying to tell me something and then the moment passed and so now she's smiling it off? AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!

Maybe there are other reasons to wink at people and I just don't know them... I guess for now I'll just take them as a smile... then I won't have to wonder myself sick. LOL.

Friday, March 27, 2009


You have to check this out! LOL! My mom just sent this to me.... This is great!

Exercise Shmexercise!

Why is it that the idea of running excites me but when I actually get home and put on my gym clothes... I feel like a sloth!?

The idea of jump roping until I pass out makes me feel thinner, but when I go to jump rope, there never seems to be a good place to do it. There's no room, it's raining...

When I go to the gym, the treadmills and elipticals are all taken. I weightlift while I wait. When I see someone get off the machine, another person slips on before I can get over there to claim the machine.

I run around the yard with my dog and then I trip in a pothole. The next time we go out I just watch her run.

I promise my pup that we will go running... I have a headache... my stomach hurts... there's always a reason not to go...

I think I lost my motivation... If anyone sees it....... I need it back..... I think.....

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Bathroom Talk

I just feel like sharing this...

At work we have a ladies bathroom with 3 stalls. They are rather small stalls that you have to turn sideways to fit into (and I'm fairly thin). The middle stall, forget it. You can enter the stall fine without problems, but for some reason you can't exit the stall without getting stuck. I think it is because the toilet paper dispenser is on the same side as the door opening. Why did they do that?! So, to get out of the darn thing you have to step back and sort of straddle the toilet bowl between your legs so you can pull the door in enough to get out. My predicament is this: Hardly anyone uses the middle stall... thusly it's the best option for me because it is -in theory- cleaner than the other toilets. BUT, when I use that toilet there is the possibility that someone could come into the bathroom while I am in the middle stall and their only option is to use one of the stalls right next to me. I generally like my space and having an empty stall beside me is my preference. Does clean trump privacy? Remember though, these stalls are SMALL! I probably wouldn't want to stand that close to someone I was talking to....


Food Habits

I don't know about anyone else, but when I decide I like something (foodwise) I eat it for a while. I will eat that thing everyday for a month, two months, maybe even a year. Then all of a sudden, I've eaten too much of that food and sooner or later I get to the point where I can't even look at that food without feeling sick to my stomach. I will feel this way for months and then after a while that feeling will start to go away and the food will look enticing to me again. Why does this happen? Weirdness.....

some examples are:
cottage cheese
peanut butter sandwiches
different types of cereal
bagels with cream cheese
ramen noodles

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Mama Disapproves

An acquaintance of mine just got engaged. Before proposing, he went to her parents to ask permission for her hand in marriage. Dad said yes, mom said no.

If this were back in the 50s, I'm sure that would not be a problem...what dad says goes. But today, what do you do? What if her mother refuses to go to her wedding? What if her boyfriend decides that he needs everyone to be in full support? Does it matter what her mother thinks if my friend is happy and in love? Will her mother's voice constantly be in the back of her head telling her that this is a bad decision?

The gesture of asking permission seems a bit outdated to me. I find it romantic and an extremely nice gesture, but with how society is just doesn't seem to fit. When women are becoming more independent and living on their own and doing things for just seems so odd for a man to have to ask for a woman's hand in marriage. It seems that the woman is independent enough to give herself away. Don't get me wrong, I understand the sentimental value of it all. I just don't understand what you do when you are fully independent and capable and a parent says no. They are still your parents, but you've been making other decisions for yourself... ??? This one has me frazzled.

Friday, March 20, 2009

One of Those Days...

It's one of those days... you know, the one where everything that could go wrong at work goes wrong. Not with me personally, but with the job itself. Ok, so things could be worse. They can always be worse.

Anyway, I think I've dealt pretty well with the issues we are dealing with, but it seriously doesn't help that yesterday I moved wrong and now my neck has been spasming ever since. What the heck did I do?? I bent over to reach something and my neck said, "I'm punishing you for that!" What did I do? Why?? I was feeling really good and healthy lately (besides the leftover sore throat that won't seem to leave me alone). I think I need to start stretching in the mornings. Oh, and trust me, I'm not that old. I think being tall has cursed me with the back/neck problems. I deal. That's just one of the things I am finally learning that I have to do. Deal.

This is how I can truly appreciate someone who makes it through the daily struggles - health issues, utility bill issues, having to take a whole day off of work just for someone to come out for ten minutes to check an appliance, car troubles, appointments where the other person doesn't show up, not having an ingredient you thought you had, and many other things like that...

Hooray for all of you who have to DEAL!

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Random Thoughts on the Economy

My conscience is clear... but I can't speak for anyone who works over at AIG...

It literally makes me sick to my stomach to think about people who have more money than they know what to do with. I try not to think about it...

I remind myself that money is just paper... who cares about pieces of paper? Why the big deal about this stinky green paper stuff anyway?

I tend to think that people who have a lot of money are in a completely different world than the rest of us... Come back to Earth?

Something only has value when we give it value. When it is worth something to us. Sometimes I wonder how items obtain their worth. An antique, fragile, old, and dirty rug??

Are people just lazy, or do they really need help?

What if we went back to the days of trade and barter...would it be possible to have a financial crisis?

Is there nothing better than our tax system?

I pay school taxes and yet I have no children and have been out of school for a while.

My Social Security statements say I have to be 74 to retire. I will be lucky to remember my own name at that age...

I feel that I have been let down.

I still hold onto hope.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Just Because...

The one and only Mallo Cup!

My Ricoh...needs fixed right now

Not the best flavor, but they really work!

I'm a Jeans and Socks person...

I don't drink a lot of Soda, but when I do...

Photographs by The Neon Mouse

Monday, March 16, 2009

Cat Got Your Arm?

Well, he got mine! I have to say...I'm really not a cat person. I think cats are beautiful creatures, if they belong to someone else! Don't get me wrong, I can pet them and be nice and friendly with them......BUT.....

My parents have a cat named George. He is a very handsome fluffy black cat with a fluffy white belly. George has the attitude of a tiger. He will swat at dogs and come out to greet guests. He likes to chew on peoples' hair. He also likes to lay right in the middle of the floor while nieces and nephews play with their toys around him. He is very much a dog in a lot of ways...but he's still a cat.


Ok, let me get to my story. I was getting dog food out of a bag and he decided to help me. His help was biting my arm to make me pull it out of the bag faster - I think. OW OW OW! He bit the real tender part of my arm - the part under the bicep...yeah the part that your brother pinched when you were fighting because it hurt real bad! So yeah I think I'm gonna have a nice bruise there.

Cats are too unpredictable for me. I know that they do this thing called love bites...but OW! I don't like that. And the kneading...OOOOH! Don't even get me started on the jumping on you and not meaning to have their claws out....AHOAGHEAOG!!!

Note that this event happened hours ago and as I write this blog, my loyal CAT is sitting on the arm of my chair with his tail waiving in and out of my face. Is this his way of making up with me?

Friday, March 13, 2009

Because Weird is My Middle Name...

I've been meaning to post this for a while but had to find a link.... this makes me laugh hysterically!!

I think that the person who created this commercial must have been my best friend in another life...

What's even watching other people see it for the first time. My mom actually lifted her head from the photoshopping of her professional photos on her laptop to see where that strange sound was coming from. My dad...he looked more like a lost pup with his head cocked to the side. ROTFL!!!!


In Japanese that means "begin," and that is what they say at the beginning of a karate match. I am a black belt in karate and was involved in it for 12 years. Such a long time for not wanting to be a fighter. I didn't necessarily love it, but it was worth every minute I spent there. But this isn't what I was going to start talking about...

I wanted to talk about Boo <--- my mom's dog and Panga (Abu and Topanga). They have their own little karate matches once in a while. Though not encouraged, these matches are really funny! They consist of Panga holding a treat - usually a rawhide - between her paws and covering it with her mouth so that Boo cannot get a hold of it. Boo starts barking at Pang and biting the ground in front of her (why does she do that?). Then starts the whining. Boo whines and cries because she can't get the treat. Then Panga whines and cries because she doens't want Boo to get her treat.... And would you have guessed that they sound a good bit like a swarm of bees?! They do!! You have to hear it. Maybe someday I'll record it and put it on here so you can hear it for yourself...

For now, here is a link to what a swarm of bees (and Panga and Boo) sound like:

Oh, and I should also mention that Topanga is a 45lb Golden Retriever mix, about thigh high, while Abu is a Pomeranian/Chiuaua mix and is only 10lbs and is no taller than your ankles. What's funny about that is the fact that Boo always wins these matches after the whining is over. She wiggles the treat out from underneath of Panga's feet and runs away with it. David and Goliath style!

Friday, March 6, 2009

Sometimes You Just Need a Hug...

Thanks to a fellow blogger, Brown Photography I have an awesome video to share... she left it on my comments page, but I think it needs to be brought out in the light. :)

Oh and check out Brown Photography 's blog, she's got some amazing photography!

Thursday, March 5, 2009

My Dad's Songs

So, when I was little, I used to think that my dad made up all these crazy songs. He would just start singing about the weirdest things. Things about robots, things about being on a radio, whipping something....turns out I found out most of the songs I thought my dad made up were REAL songs! Get out! He even tried to tell me that they were real songs at the time, but I never believed him because they were just too weird. So, years later when I heard them on the radio I would die laughing because the weird, weird, weird songs were real. Whip it, Mr. Roboto, Mexican Radio....that's just to name a few. I never would have thought that there were people who could be as lyrically strange as my dad. Some of the songs my dad sang were actually made up by him (I have a video somewhere to prove it!), but they were mixed in with the real ones, so to this day I assume it was my dad's song unless I hear it on the radio. And not just on a Mexican radio....


What is wrong with me? I haven't been posting on here! Oh, well.... whatever. I will post when I want and that's the way it's gonna be.

So.....things that are on my mind right now:

When is it going to be spring?
When will I have time to relax (for serious)?
When are my netflix DVDs coming...Did I mail the previous ones too late to get them by the weekend?
Why are we really busy at work lately? Is there some sort of pattern going on?
When will my dog stop jumping on guests?
Do I have time to go to the gym tonight?
Does anyone read my blog? Do I care if they do or don't?
When am I going to find a decent guy? Should I give up looking?
Will I ever get back to my high school weight? I'm almost at my college weight...
What is my brother doing right now?
How am I going to thank my parents for all the hard work they've done for me recently?
I need to call my tenant and make arrangements for the cable not to be run on horizontally across the front of my house....
Have got to finish the other tentant's lease agreement...
I'm thirsty...
I need to clean my desk...
Why have I been breaking out lately?
Do my shoes match my outfit?
I wonder what's for dinner...
Is my throat swollen and sore because of allergies or am I sick?
It smells like pizza in here....

SO RANDOM = my thoughts!! (and this is only a few minutes of my thought process!)

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Grumpy Girl

Pang, likes her beauty rest. When she decides it is her bedtime, she quietly leaves the family room and goes upstairs to her bedroom. Ten minutes later I'm wondering where she is. I call her and at the top of the stairs I see her head poke beneath the ceiling. Then she runs down to see what I wanted. I tell her I just wanted to see where she was and so she walks around me a bit to make sure I didn't drop food or have a treat for her and then goes right back up to her bed. Sometimes, my bed! I come upstairs most days to find her in her "room" -her kennel. She knows she's not allowed on my bed, but does it when I'm not around. When I walk in to find her there I can't help but want to hug and kiss her anyway to tell her good night and then shove her off. She just looks so pretty all curled up in a ball -lol probably a ball of her shedded fur! Sometimes, when I go to shove her off, she gives a small growl becuase I've interuppted her sleep -or something- and she jumps off my bed and flops into her kennel. What a grumpy girl. I don't like the growling bit, but I guess she is letting me know she is unhappy. A dog talking back? My dog is so weird! I still love her though. At least she knows where her "room" is... I say "Panga, go to your room!" and she goes and lays in her kennel. I love that command, it makes me laugh. Reminds me of my mom yelling at me when I was a kid. I try not to treat Pang as if she were a kid -she's very much a dog, but she responds well to some commands that you would also give a it works for us. My current problem is figuring out what to tell a kid -er dog that keeps jumping on company? Maybe "go to your room!" would work for that.......... :P

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Tooo cute for words!!

Friday, February 20, 2009

Military Brat

So I grew up a Military Brat. My brother was born a brat......oh and he was a Military Brat too, of course. It's funny that I didn't even know the term Military Brat until my dad was out of the Armed Forces. Even though most of my growing up was after my dad had finished his obligation to the Military, I still remember when we lived on "the base" and I still hold some really great memories from that time. My lucky brother was born on "the base." So, whenever someone finds out his birth place, he always has something to talk about.

Anyways, let me tell you about "the base": We had old war planes in our back yard. Well, maybe not OUR back was close enough though. My brother and I used to walk down the hill and play at the base of the planes. We were too small to reach anything but the wheels and maybe we could touch the bottom of the plane if we jumped.

We went to Air Shows.....OMG if you never went to an Air Show, you have to see one. They are so neat. Just wear sun screen. Even if the sun is not out, trust me on this. OH, and you'll need sunglasses if you want to see anything.

I remember one time one of the guys saluted me when we were leaving the base. I don't know that he was supposed to do that, but it made me laugh. I think he did it because I was saluting him.

Planes were always over head, it was a normal thing. You got used to the noise. One time I was at my baby sitter's house and a helicopter was flying low enough to the ground that I could make out a man standing on the side in the doorway. I waved to him and he waved back. A memory that I will NEVER forget. What a nice guy. :)

Someone used to dress as a Santa -----er I mean Santa used to come to "the base" and hand out presents. It was so cool to have Santa visit us. Oh, and there used to be an October Fest every fall and there I learned to do the Chicken Dance. And oh was that fun! I know kinda dorky, but still fun! Trick or treat was awesome because the base housing was so close together and there was always candy at every door! Even the stores and businesses on the base had candy for us kids.

So that was life on "the base," and just in case you haven't deducted it by now, we lived on an Air Base. In a lot of ways I miss that base. Then again, the alarm for the mosquito spraying was kinda scary. I guess I would have gotten used to that. The mosquitos where we lived were so bad that they had to spray the whole base once a week. When you heard that alarm sound, you had to RUN to get indoors and RUN to make sure all of your windows were shut! Watching the adults run around like that and hearing a scary loud alarm....not something I like to remember. Other than that it was a good childhood.

Feel free to share your childhood stories. Does anyone else miss their childhood? With Santa and Trick or Treat...people were so giving then, haha.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Things I learned today

The grass isn't always greener on the other side

Sometimes you just need a good laugh

If you can't think of something to say...don't say anything!!

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

A Man and His Dog

So last night made me rethink my post from yesterday... my parents saw a man down by the Walmart holding a sign that said something about being down on his luck and losing his job and needing some help. He had a dog with him. Man, did that make me think. It's one thing for a man to be standing on the corner asking for food, but a man with a dog... I think I took it more presonally because I love dogs. What if that were me? Would I be able to part with my dog just to seek some shelter? Would I be able to take my dog to the pound so that she could get the food and vet visits she needs? A dog is the most loyal thing to a human and when you've got nothing, they are there. How can a person that has a dog have nothing? How will he provide for his dog? Will he feed his dog from dumpsters and hold him close when it rains or snows? Gosh, it was all too much last night. All of a sudden clothes and things just didn't seem cool anymore. It is cool to have food and shelter and water. It is cool to have a place to lay down at night with your best pal - your dog. I grabbed two gallon size bags and filled one with granola bars and two small Gatorades and the other with dog food and some treats. My dad and I traveled to the corner where he had been and drove up and down to see if we could find him, but there was no sign of the man or the dog. My dad talked about him possibly having a car and it possibly being a scam for him to get money.... but I have to wonder, would he really be out there in the cold with his dog for that reason? Even if he was, I would want to help him just in case. I packed the bags for the just in case factor. If someone needed to take advantage of others' kindness that badly, then let them have the food I offer. I rarely offer money anyway...