Saturday, January 31, 2009


Some nights when I think I'm tired and am headed to bed, my mind starts going in circles. I feel like I should be doing something, but what is it? I need to do something... I need to do something constructive. I can never quite put my finger on what it is I need to do. Because I have no clue what my mind wants me to do, I end up on the internet, watching tv, or reading a magazine. Sometimes I grab my gameboy or a handheld game and play it in the dark until I can barely keep my eyes open. Other times I force myself to ignore the pounding urge to DO something and try to go to bed - sleep does not come easily, I count sheep, replay random memories, think about what I want to do tomorrow... then it comes full circle to what in the world am I supposed to be doing right now? It's like I forgot that I was supposed to be searching for the Holy Grail and I am trying to remember the great task that I was meant for. ARGH! Why in the world do I get these strange urges that there is seriously something I am supposed to be doing right now and sleep is really not important - even if I know I will feel like crap the next morning and the rest of that day... I didn't even have any caffeine this evening. Sometimes that keeps me up, but that just keeps my mind racing, it doesn't keep me focused on something I have to be doing.

Wouldn't it be so ironic if sleep was my Holy Grail and I'm trying to figure out what I need to be doing and it's just whacked is that?

Does anyone else in the world have this strange feeling? Maybe it's my creative side telling me that I'm trying to squelch it and I seriously need to find an outlet...

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