Then what?

So no one really knows what it is like when we die. No one can tell anyone from experience. I guess it is just something we all have to find out on our own. I've never been good with that. I like knowing what I'm in for...and yet it seems that everything I do I have to learn the hard way anyway. Argh.

So yeah death is a scary thing for me...and I'm sure I'm not alone in this. I hate to think about it, talk about it, read about it... I get this panicky feeling and I feel like my heart drops into my stomach. I get cold and clammy and get this feeling of impending doom. It's not because I don't believe in God or I don't believe that there is nothing good after, it's because I really don't have a CLUE! I can read all of the spiritual and religious readings I can find and I will still get that choked up feeling of death.

How ironic that when I think about death, I feel like I'm actually dying. Bleh. How unpleasant.

Anyway, I hold hope in the people that say they've had near death experiences, and the fact that they all say similar things about a white light and being able to see their bodies below, and about being able to hear things the doctors and nurses have said. That gives me hope. Hope that there is something good after and it's nothing to be afraid of. Hope that I will hold onto until that day comes. Lol, I keep feeling like what if I can get out of it if I have good behavior... if I just do this or that... maybe God will leave me on this plane that I have come to love and want to enjoy for 100s of years.

This is one of the reasons I like to think about the possibility of reincarnation. Wouldn't it be great to be able to come back to this world and explore it through a new perspective. I think I would want to be something that can move freely, not like a plant or a sea creature that can't explore the land. I'm not so sure what I would want to be, but I hope it would be something with a complex thought process.

What would you want to be?