MJ

**Not to be confused with the basketball MJ**

I am sad that Michael Jackson has died. I think he was quite the icon in the 80s. I remember the California Raisins performing his songs on the tv show. Ok, I was fairly young for MJ, but I still remember. I had the Moonwalk movie and my brother and I watched it over and over and over.... and over... we tend to do that if we like something. I have to be honest and say that I mourned the loss of MJ a while ago - or at least my idea of who he really was. My idea of what he was based on the songs he sang. I'm not sure about what happened with him, but I have my suspicions that he was trying to be something he was not. That saddened me a long time ago. Today I am shocked that his complete fate is here, but we will always have his music - and his Moonwalk video... somewhere...

Calamari

A quote from me to a fellow coworker:

I didn't like it, it was really rubbery... I felt like I was eating... I don't know... rubber.

Mad Max

One of the guys at work was singing a Tina Turner song and it reminded me of the Mad Max movies I saw when I was a kid. What goofy movies, at least they were interesting. My brother and I both liked the movies and watched them a few times... especially the one with Tina Turner in it. I liked her shiny outfits... lol.

Great, now I have the song stuck in my head...... WE don't need aNOTHER HEro...

Oh well, it's a good song.

If you haven't seen these movies, you don't have to see them... they are weird... haha.

Plane Jane

I am a plane jane. Here's a weird concept, I love makeup, but I don't always love to wear it. Most times I prefer to go naked (makeupwise)...hence my being a plane jane. It's ok, you can think so. I got teased for being a sarah plain and tall. I am very tall too. It bugged me back then, but now....not so much. I care what I think I look like, but I don't care what you think I look like. Haha. Well, sometimes I like to plain jane it at work... I figure why do I bother with all the gunk. I wasn't born with it on me, so why do I put it on (again, I'm talking about makeup here)... Sometimes I wonder what all that crap has in it... can it cause cancer or will it have some other adverse affect on my skin when I am older? Who decided that people's faces needed more color? That they needed to be made up? I would like to kick his (or her) butt! Well, I can't help but be stuck in the world of makeup because I end up getting to work and then seeing my pale, unmade face in the mirror under the harsh fluorescent lights and I freak. I should have at least used mascara or even just a little eyeliner! Then, I go home and experiment with my makeup - I have a lot... how much... you don't want to know. I think this replaces a shoe fetish? Anyway... I make myself up and I feel really pretty and then I go and wash it off... And then I wear makeup to work for a few months.... then I forget how awful I feel I look without it and get brave and I junk it for a day and go sans the clown stuff. Then I see myself in the mirror... and the whole cycle starts itself over again. Vicious cycle of inanity!

Sad, But Great Movies

Gran Torino
Blood Diamond
Hotel Rwanda
Finding Neverland
I Am Sam
We Are Marshall

It seems to me that the saddest movies can be among the best movies, but I honestly don't like bawling my eyes out... But for the story sometimes it's just worth it.

Movies I have yet to be brave enough to watch:

The Notebook
Patch Adams
Seven Pounds
Marley & Me

My Dad

So I know it's only Thursday, but I feel like posting something about my dad for Fathers' Day. I like to put the apostrophe after because it is a day to celebrate all fathers, and especially mine.

So here goes...

My dad is a very laid back guy. He is very patient and easy going. You can talk to him about anything and doesn't wince when you tell him something that you know he doesn't want to hear about. He is very open and honest and will tell you like it is. He doesn't always agree with how it is and he will tell you that you can change it. He is a very good therapist. He has a calming voice and can talk you down from almost anything. He is persuasive and yet supportive. Sometimes my dad appears to be in his own world and we joke about that...but for how busy he is, I suppose that he has a lot on his mind. My dad may seem really slow paced sometimes, but for how fast paced everything is around us, sometimes it helps the rest of us to take it easy. Other times I think it can drive us nuts...haha. My dad is very protective of his family. He makes sure that we have what we need. He is always buying things for my brother and me and rarely expects us to pay him back... we usually do though. My dad is a strong person and has been through a lot. He has worked his way up the ladder in his career and has really proven himself to be a good employee and a fantastic manager.

Here's to my dad: A family man, a career man, a trekkie, a star wars nut, a video gammer, a computer nerd, a Dr. Evil impersonator, a Homer Simpson enthusiast, a therapist, a military veteran, a funny man, a grumpy man, a sensible man, a caring man, a Chris Farley fan, a weird man, a patient man, a movie buff.......................

He is MANY more things to me, but I don't know that you want me to list everything.... do you? And I'm not talking to you...dad!

Happy Fathers' Day Dad!!! I hope this Sunday is a nice one!

More on Stress

No, not moron stress... I don't even know what that is... ha...

Anyway...

Sometimes I come to a point where I realize that things are out of my control and that's when I start to relax. I like that I can't control everything. I like not feeling totally responsible for everything. Sometimes I can't help the situation at hand and so I just deal with it.

In my opinion, the sooner you realize that you cannot completely control your life or the things in it, the sooner you will relax more and just try your best to go with the flow. I also think that letting go of control of things in your life is one of the hardest things to do...

Stress Relief

There seems to be a lot of stressed out people around me lately. I am a little, but not so much. There are some bad things going on in my life right now, but then there are some really good things too... I think sometimes it balances out and keeps me from being too stressed. But for those times that I am completely stressed out....may I suggest:

- Take a hot bath
- Drink hot decaffinated tea
- Take deep breaths
- Read a magazine or book that appeals to you
- Watch a movie...whatever genre you are in the mood for
- Pamper yourself...do something for you
- Take a long drive and listen to your favorite music
- Take a walk and just observe your surroundings
- Write stuff down to get it out of your head
- Visit with family or friends if you are in the mood for company
- Work out - get your butt to the gym

That's it... hope it works!

Infinity

Did you ever try to think about exactly how big the universe is and what is on the other side of the universe? What is the universe expanding into? How many galaxies are there? Where does it end? And when it ends, what is the end? What does the end of something look like!? What does infinity look like? It has to end somewhere... When I start thinking about these things... I feel like...my head....is going....to....EXPLODE! I can't wrap my mind around these things and I'm left with an awkward and uneasy feeling and my head hurts... then I start to feel really small and insignificant and I start to feel like I can't breathe and my heart beats faster... I feel like my brain is on overload - I'm trying to solve a puzzle that is beyond my level of thinking. This is not something I like to think about very often.

DC Holocaust Museum Shooting

So, wow, the rumors were true. It was an 88yr old guy involved in a hate group. I don't know that I even want to talk about it. I guess that I didn't believe that kind of hate still existed...me and my rose colored glasses....I think sometimes you have to have a pair to keep from losing your mind with all of the bad news we have access to...

I think that these hate group members need to look in a mirror and seriously ask themselves why they have the capacity to hate someone that deeply... why they hold onto anger... why they negatively stereotype groups of people... and most importantly why they need other people to join them in their nonsense... That's what it is, it's nonsense... I don't care what they say their reasons are... NONsense!

I'm sorry for anyone who has been hurt by this absolute NONSENSE... It's awful.

Half Empty

So I suppose I am a glass half empty kinda person... but if you'd just fill it up the rest of the way, we wouldn't have to discuss it. :)

Oh, what if I find a few other half emptiers and we put it all together in one big pitcher? Then we'd have NOTHING to discuss! Probably because we drank it all....haha.

Shootings

There was a shooting in DC today at the Holocaust Museum. So far there is talk that it may have been an 89yr old man who was involved in a hate group... but that could just be rumor. I don't understand it! Why?! School shootings...why? Random shootings....WHY?! Maybe the fact that I don't understand it is a good thing and maybe I want to keep it that way. But oh the pain and hurt involved! Why do these people have to transfer their pain and suffering to others? Why can't they just commit suicide? If you don't like this world, LEAVE and leave everyone else alone!!! This world may not be perfect, but it's what we've got... so live the best you can or BUG OFF! Sorry, I'm angry... I'm really angry. I'm upset. There have been too many random killing sprees in my time and I'm fed up. How can we protect our innocent and yet uphold our constitutional rights at the same time? It seems to me that times have changed far too greatly since the constitution was created and while we are trying our best to keep our rights, we are also failing to keep everyone protected. There is such a fine line between protecting public well being and protecting privacy that it appears lines are certainly being crossed... but what else can be done? There has to be something....

My Gramma

I love my Gramma Skunko - I couldn't say her last name right and this is what it ended up being all these years. She's the coolest gramma ever. She is and was a fantastic cook. She's not cooking so much anymore, I think after cooking for 6 kids and 13 grandkids, she's done with that. I have learned so much about cooking from her. She always taught me the dash of this and pinch of that way. I love cooking this way... I'm not a structured person, if I have too many measurements... I'm bound to mess up. My grandmother was very patient with me. I will not say that she is like that with anyone else... but she seems to be with me. We laugh and giggle and eat half of the dough or fresh beans we are using. She used to say "one for the pot, two for me, two for the pot, three for me..." all the while handing me peices of whatever to eat... I loved it! She and I made messes! Huge messes. We would spill flour on the floor and get it on our faces and she'd just laugh. This is the point where if I was with my mother she would get upset with me and tell me to leave the kitchen...haha. I think it's different for grammas. My gramma wasn't pushing me to be independent, just letting me help her in my own way.

Recently my gramma promised to show me how to make periogi's... I have to take her up on her word real soon!

favorite quote from my gramma:

me: where are you going?
gramma: crazy, want to come...

Good Old Fashioned Fun

I have this strange urge to go do something that I haven't done in a while...like go bowling. To be honest I really stink at it and I don't much care for it. But, it's something that I have a lot of fun memories of. I usually have fun. I'm gonna text my friend and see what she's up to... :)

Claustrophobe

I am claustrophobic. I am absolutely not the worst case scenario... but I still deal with the extreme fear. After years of dealing with the fear, I think that I am overcoming it to some degree. I know how to deal with my fear, I will not say that I can control it, because I cannot, but I manage my fear so that I will never be at the height of my fear.

Things I fear:

*Being stuck in an elevator
*Getting stuck in a cave because of falling rocks
*Drowning because I cannot reach the surface of the water
*Being locked in a small room
*Being stuck in my car if I am in an accident
*Being stuck out in the ocean with no way back to shore
*Getting lost - completely lost with no way back to civilization
*Getting stuck in a roller coaster seat because the lap bar broke
*Being stuck in an office building

Things I have freaked out about:

*I got locked in a bathroom when I was little and screamed bloody murder
*A not so nice babysitter locked me in a room when I was little because I was crying/screaming for my parents and I started to freak out and scream even louder
((prehaps these first two items are a cause of my fear...?))
*In a car accident, the hood of my car slid over my car doors so that I could not open them and I panicked (I guess I thought the windows wouldn't work either?)
*While camping I felt like there wasn't enough air in the tent and I cried
*After watching the movie Poseidon, I bawled at the end and I felt like I couldn't breathe...
*Whenever I watch people spelunking on TV, I can't breathe...
*When my seat belt locks I get panicky and work to loosen it quickly
*When the lap bar on a roller coaster takes a little longer to release than expected, I get nervous


Actions I take to minimize my fear:

*I make sure I am close to a working exit
*I make sure that I have a clear path to an exit if I can't be right beside one
*I sit in the back of the bus so I feel like I have more room
*I take the stairs as much as possible
*I sit by fans and air vents so that I feel like I have all the air in the world
*I close my eyes and imagine myself somewhere else
*When in an office I make sure I know where all the exits are and the paths to them

I think that fears can be controlled by taking actions to prevent the fear itself - avoidance to some degree. The main thing to remember is that the fear is irrational and I think that helps. I can't completely convince myself that everything is fine, but I don't get to the point where I am freaking out totally and shoving people out of my way so that I can get out. Sometimes I feel like doing that though....

One more thought... I just want to thank whoever made the MRI machines with the hole in the top and the air that blows over your face the whole time... somehow the air makes me feel like I am completely safe.

Too Many Movies!

There are too many movies in this world. I feel like I am always trying to catch up. I can't breathe! There are so many older movies that I need to watch and so many new movies that have been on DVD for months now that I haven't seen yet. I feel the urge to keep up, but on the other hand... I feel the urge to go outside and play baseball.

Mouth

If I were one of the goonies, you would most definitely have to call me Mouth. I don't know what it is... sometimes I just can't shut up and enjoy the quiet. I feel like I have to analyze everything and put it into my own words. I feel the need to explain everything. I'm bad with email too. I thank people for thanking me. That had to stop. I'm done with the superfluous emails for sure. As for talking, I'm getting tired of it... I think I need a break. Sometimes I like to listen and I feel like I haven't done that in a while. Perhaps keeping my TV on for the noise is just a bit too much lately. I think my head is so cluttered that my own talking is becoming a nuisance. Maybe if I relax and listen for a while, the chatter in my head will calm down too. --No, I don't hear voices in my head, just my voice telling me things I should do, things I shouldn't have done, things I want to do-- Jeez, my conscience can be such a nag sometimes... LOL. Ok, just listening.....starting..... NOW...