Friday, April 30, 2010

My Ravi

I just found out that he (my rabbit) has a tumor. A cancerous tumor. Once again, cancer sucks!! I was told that they can't operate because it is on his jaw and they would have to take too much of his jaw out. I have to say that I was in a pretty good mood today - being that it's Friday - but right now I feel like crying. I am trying to choke back tears as I write this because I am at work (writing this in between my calls of course). I do not like to be looked at as unprofessional and crying at work (in my opinion) is unprofessional... Ugh. He only has 4-6 weeks left to live. Not good. Not fair. I am going to pray. This time I will not be selfish and pray that my rabbit lives longer. I am afraid he will live in pain. This time I am going to pray that there is something better after. Very unlike me.

I'm sorry Ravi. I'm sorry that I am not able to help you. I'm sorry that I selfishly cannot put you down now for my fear of death and what would happen to you and the possibility that you might have a soul and what will happen to it. I'm sorry I didn't catch the tumor in time. I'm sorry that I didn't let you outside in the sun as much as I should have. I'm so sorry.

You know, I think death is overrated... I need some options here...

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