Half Empty

So I suppose I am a glass half empty kinda person... but if you'd just fill it up the rest of the way, we wouldn't have to discuss it. :)

Oh, what if I find a few other half emptiers and we put it all together in one big pitcher? Then we'd have NOTHING to discuss! Probably because we drank it all....haha.

Shootings

There was a shooting in DC today at the Holocaust Museum. So far there is talk that it may have been an 89yr old man who was involved in a hate group... but that could just be rumor. I don't understand it! Why?! School shootings...why? Random shootings....WHY?! Maybe the fact that I don't understand it is a good thing and maybe I want to keep it that way. But oh the pain and hurt involved! Why do these people have to transfer their pain and suffering to others? Why can't they just commit suicide? If you don't like this world, LEAVE and leave everyone else alone!!! This world may not be perfect, but it's what we've got... so live the best you can or BUG OFF! Sorry, I'm angry... I'm really angry. I'm upset. There have been too many random killing sprees in my time and I'm fed up. How can we protect our innocent and yet uphold our constitutional rights at the same time? It seems to me that times have changed far too greatly since the constitution was created and while we are trying our best to keep our rights, we are also failing to keep everyone protected. There is such a fine line between protecting public well being and protecting privacy that it appears lines are certainly being crossed... but what else can be done? There has to be something....

My Gramma

I love my Gramma Skunko - I couldn't say her last name right and this is what it ended up being all these years. She's the coolest gramma ever. She is and was a fantastic cook. She's not cooking so much anymore, I think after cooking for 6 kids and 13 grandkids, she's done with that. I have learned so much about cooking from her. She always taught me the dash of this and pinch of that way. I love cooking this way... I'm not a structured person, if I have too many measurements... I'm bound to mess up. My grandmother was very patient with me. I will not say that she is like that with anyone else... but she seems to be with me. We laugh and giggle and eat half of the dough or fresh beans we are using. She used to say "one for the pot, two for me, two for the pot, three for me..." all the while handing me peices of whatever to eat... I loved it! She and I made messes! Huge messes. We would spill flour on the floor and get it on our faces and she'd just laugh. This is the point where if I was with my mother she would get upset with me and tell me to leave the kitchen...haha. I think it's different for grammas. My gramma wasn't pushing me to be independent, just letting me help her in my own way.

Recently my gramma promised to show me how to make periogi's... I have to take her up on her word real soon!

favorite quote from my gramma:

me: where are you going?
gramma: crazy, want to come...

Good Old Fashioned Fun

I have this strange urge to go do something that I haven't done in a while...like go bowling. To be honest I really stink at it and I don't much care for it. But, it's something that I have a lot of fun memories of. I usually have fun. I'm gonna text my friend and see what she's up to... :)

Claustrophobe

I am claustrophobic. I am absolutely not the worst case scenario... but I still deal with the extreme fear. After years of dealing with the fear, I think that I am overcoming it to some degree. I know how to deal with my fear, I will not say that I can control it, because I cannot, but I manage my fear so that I will never be at the height of my fear.

Things I fear:

*Being stuck in an elevator
*Getting stuck in a cave because of falling rocks
*Drowning because I cannot reach the surface of the water
*Being locked in a small room
*Being stuck in my car if I am in an accident
*Being stuck out in the ocean with no way back to shore
*Getting lost - completely lost with no way back to civilization
*Getting stuck in a roller coaster seat because the lap bar broke
*Being stuck in an office building

Things I have freaked out about:

*I got locked in a bathroom when I was little and screamed bloody murder
*A not so nice babysitter locked me in a room when I was little because I was crying/screaming for my parents and I started to freak out and scream even louder
((prehaps these first two items are a cause of my fear...?))
*In a car accident, the hood of my car slid over my car doors so that I could not open them and I panicked (I guess I thought the windows wouldn't work either?)
*While camping I felt like there wasn't enough air in the tent and I cried
*After watching the movie Poseidon, I bawled at the end and I felt like I couldn't breathe...
*Whenever I watch people spelunking on TV, I can't breathe...
*When my seat belt locks I get panicky and work to loosen it quickly
*When the lap bar on a roller coaster takes a little longer to release than expected, I get nervous


Actions I take to minimize my fear:

*I make sure I am close to a working exit
*I make sure that I have a clear path to an exit if I can't be right beside one
*I sit in the back of the bus so I feel like I have more room
*I take the stairs as much as possible
*I sit by fans and air vents so that I feel like I have all the air in the world
*I close my eyes and imagine myself somewhere else
*When in an office I make sure I know where all the exits are and the paths to them

I think that fears can be controlled by taking actions to prevent the fear itself - avoidance to some degree. The main thing to remember is that the fear is irrational and I think that helps. I can't completely convince myself that everything is fine, but I don't get to the point where I am freaking out totally and shoving people out of my way so that I can get out. Sometimes I feel like doing that though....

One more thought... I just want to thank whoever made the MRI machines with the hole in the top and the air that blows over your face the whole time... somehow the air makes me feel like I am completely safe.

Too Many Movies!

There are too many movies in this world. I feel like I am always trying to catch up. I can't breathe! There are so many older movies that I need to watch and so many new movies that have been on DVD for months now that I haven't seen yet. I feel the urge to keep up, but on the other hand... I feel the urge to go outside and play baseball.

Mouth

If I were one of the goonies, you would most definitely have to call me Mouth. I don't know what it is... sometimes I just can't shut up and enjoy the quiet. I feel like I have to analyze everything and put it into my own words. I feel the need to explain everything. I'm bad with email too. I thank people for thanking me. That had to stop. I'm done with the superfluous emails for sure. As for talking, I'm getting tired of it... I think I need a break. Sometimes I like to listen and I feel like I haven't done that in a while. Perhaps keeping my TV on for the noise is just a bit too much lately. I think my head is so cluttered that my own talking is becoming a nuisance. Maybe if I relax and listen for a while, the chatter in my head will calm down too. --No, I don't hear voices in my head, just my voice telling me things I should do, things I shouldn't have done, things I want to do-- Jeez, my conscience can be such a nag sometimes... LOL. Ok, just listening.....starting..... NOW...